And, I'm in the process of sorting through the boxes of papers and mementos in the closet, removing most traces of myself from this house and it's sort of melancholy. I like reading over some things and others just make me sad. Old report cards and recomendation letters make me happy for I used to be quite intelligent and special, but old journals make me sad because I was so unhappy and desperate and dying. And here I am today. I'm mostly happy, just a bit lonely.

I <3 Gm! He wrote me an email today that completely made my morning, but out of respect and the giggly secrecy that comes with love letters, I post only one line: I love you like puppies like to go, "huff huff." Endless delight because not only does he love me a lot, but he's remembered that my dog is silly and has a weird habit of huffing when she wants people to look at her.

I do miss him terribly. He's hooked me onto Orson Scott Card books (Ender's Game, etc.), and Card is a Mormon. His very young but mature characters are continually getting married in their teen years and I get so wrapped up in the incredibly good storytelling that I end the book and wonder why I'm not married yet. After all, I'm nineteen, far past my prime, right?

It is a weird idea that I could be married in six or seven years- I guess not. That's a decently long time. Meh. . My muscles are quivering and I think I might be dehydrated, but the water here tastes different than the Portland water and I'm not used to it yet. I'm just sort of edgy today. I haven't been sleeping well and I feel like I'm floundering, trying to figure out how I fit in and what I'm going to do with myself this summer. And I'll bet the annoying UPS man comes in the twenty minute period when I go pick Alex up from school and I miss my box again.

I hope something happens soon. I feel sad, I think. I ought to stop being online and pensive since that only begins a downward spiral.