Sad quiet boy music is playing in the background, sort of casting a pallor over my day. I woke up sketchy but spent an inordinate amount of time creating stick straight sleek hair that falls in a curtain over my shoulders (I'm ever so pleased) and trying on that lovely green taffeta vintage dress and being pleased again because it still fits- I was rather distressed at the thought that never ever doing anything resembling proper exercise was going to wreak havoc with that which I am. And maybe it has, but I usually respond quickly to any changes in such areas, so that works. eh. I'm being boring.

My point today is, I don't like how I feel. I feel that same sort of haunting empty that gets me from time to time, rather lost and purposeless, distressed at being apathetic and mildly afraid.

I went up to East this afternoon hoping to see the three teachers that I really liked and respected, but one was absent and the other two were misplaced and possibly not there as well, so it was a waste. And then I just felt too old. You can't ever go back.

*sigh* A big sigh. The sort that ought to dissolve in tears. I've just had it. Maybe I'm sleep deprived, I know I'm dehydrated, and my blood sugar is probably low. I probably need more protein.

i always thought that if i held you tightly, you'd always love me like you did back then, then i fell asleep and the city kept blinking, what was i thinking when i let you back in?

i am trying to break your heart