So while I hate to send another anorexic out to eat, we're going to some vegan fresh fruit and healthy things for breakfast cafe near her house. The original suggestion was coffee, since that's at least relatively easy to justify in such a situation and also to fake drinking, but she offered, so we're off. I'm excited, I've only spoken to her in real life once before, early in October, I believe, but we chat back and forth online sometimes and read each other's LJs on a regular basis. I was reading today and it was confessional and private, but I'm retelling parts, the relevant ones that lead to this entry on its own. She said that she hadn't been eating for the last three weeks or so, that by the time evening came, she had probably accumulated about one meal's worth of food, and that was at least mildly unsettling. I'm not sure that I eat much more than that. On a normal day, I pick at a muffin for breakfast with tea and water, then probably drink more water and tea as the day continues, and probably have some part of some dessert type thing, then fuss with my dinner, depending on what it is, and then probably steal some of Gm's cookies when we're hanging out in his room watching movies or studying. I don't eat complete meals or even complete parts of food, just pick at things, but never finish entirely, and while it's probably more than one meal a day, I wouldn't count on it being a full two. And it's deceptive, because since I don't really eat healthy since fruit and vegetables and anything fresh is difficult to find (appealing) in Commons, so the food that I do eat is probably calorie dense and not of any particular redeeming value.

I promised myself around my birthday that I'd spend this year trying to be properly healthy for the first time in probably four or five years. Last year was devoted too much towards just getting up to a normal weight for it to be a normal experience, and the year before that was deathly, and the years before then are too far to remember and I know they were leading towards the ones that followed. So, this is the first oppurtunity I've had to truly just have food be food, like how I assume normal people eat. Then again, no girl is normal around food- I truly believe that. Honestly, it's what I want to do my Senior Thesis on. I want to maybe secretly major in Bio/Pre-Med type thing, thesis about crazy teenage girls, then become a pediatric cardiologist. So there. But, I'm not doing a very good job at this healthy bit. I mean, I'm making a conscious effort and when we have fruit in Commons, I get that, or vegtables, and try to eat protein from time to time (that's terribly rare, I'm afraid, I probably eat the equivalent of one chicken breast or an egg over the course of a week), but it's probably not good enough. I'm not gaining weight, nor have I gained any significant amount since getting here, though I have lost muscle tone and endurance to the point of embarrassment. If I were inspired, I could work out and my body responds pretty quickly. I don't like working out in public- I'm too self-conscious for that, and I don't like running on concrete. I'm too used to being able to hole up in my mom's room with the treadmill and floor space and music up too loud and run or jump or whatever without a shirt or pants (heeeyyy, mostly naked working out!).

But, my point is, maybe if I write it out properly instead of just on scrawled notes in my school spirals during class, I might hold to my promise better. I have a serious chance to do my own thing here and get good results.

Hope.