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< / > More on the House September 13, 2005 *~* 9:58 a.m. I'm sitting in the Psych lounge. Most of the professors are in here, and a couple of seniors. It feels like a quiet Sunday morning, full of peace and slow talking and intelligent nice people. The Psych department is a much happier place than the Bio, Hum, or maybe Spanish ones. Dan is telling a story about his youngest child. He's a junior, but is thinking about dropping out of high school and starting at Reed and he's only 14. Apparently this kid is a genius. . I am jealous. I'm happier away from the house. I go to bed unhappy every night. I've cried myself to sleep the past two nights, and on and off in the month since. And even if I'm not doing that, I fall into sadness so easily. As long as I'm doing things, go go go, playing, talking, walking around Portland, being at Reed, but being home makes me unhappy. I love the house in theory and I fought for it; I truly thought it would be good for me and happy and help me grow, but it's nothing like I imagined. There are good things, don't get me wrong, but everything Alex and Steve (and I only say Steve because I feel bad singling out Alex, but Alex is the problem) do just infuriates me. I hate her so much (I think) and the way she treats us and the house is so disrespectful. She contributes nothing to the house except the $50 a month for food that I'm sure she'd rather not do. I suppose I'm just supposed to be grateful that she's deigned to bestow her friendship upon me and I get to live in Her House, but it's not right. She's not mean, but she's so inconsiderate and horrid to live with. Everything she does assaults my sensibilities and my expectations of people in general and hurts. I get my feelings hurt too easily, and I do overreact, I admit this, but it's not just me and the fact is that it is making being at home miserable. And now I should go. |