It's a gorgeous day, I just finished an entire book between lunch and now, and I don't really feel compelled to do much else, except maybe go on a walk and read some more, perhaps school things this time around. I'm pleased. I hope it lasts. I'm so ridiculously moody and worried at times, but I think it will be all right. Perhaps I'm mellowing out in my old age.

We think we got a house- the inspection needs to come back with an "All Clear" but it seems probable and very good. I'm really excited. It's got three little rooms, finished garage, and the basics like the kitchen, bathroom, laundry space, living room, and a huge attic. There's also a yard and this big tree in the front as well as a little pink flowering tree next to the shed. It's a big enough porch for a swing to be put in and not that far from Reed while still being in a nice neighborhood. It has ridiculous slime green seventies shag carpeting and atrocious flowered seventies linoleum in the kitchen and this not attractive wood paneling in the living room, but that all sort of adds to the ridiculous hipster retro, we're almost grownups charm.

It excites me in a way far beyond anything it does for the rest of the group because I haven't lived in a house since I was seven or so. Backyards are a ridiculous novelty. I'll have my own room. I'm really excited about that- I can't really fathom such a thing. I don't know that I'll ever be able to live entirely on my own since I frighten myself so easily and I just like having someone to interact with, but it will be different and good.

I'm sure upon moving, it will be an entirely different experience than what I am anticipating/remembering/hoping, but I think that will be okay. I recognize that I don't have the slightest clue about real home maintainenece or bills or a real job or the other things that go into having adult responsibilities, but I think I can learn and adapt and be successful. Right?

I flatter myself that I am an intelligent and perceptive human being, at least about others and experiences, if not myself. I've been told that by others and generally feel it's true. I think I can handle what life throws at me, even if I don't like it. So I honestly think that regardless of the worries, there are enough people standing beside and behind and with me that I'll be able to take on the world.

That ended up being rather larger scale than what I had intended.

And it doesn't hurt that I'm excited at the prospect of a real kitchen with real supplies and such inside it. I can eat peaches and fruit and good crusty bread and broccoli and squash and soup and iced tea and salads and things that I like that aren't readily available on campus and I can bake cookies and cakes and sometimes bread or biscuits or muffins and get that soothing kitchen creation effect. I can go running and not have to run through campus to do so (self consciousness is too overwhelming for me here) and I'll be healthy again, but really healthy, not like before. For me, the prospect of this summer and the year to follow seem all full of promise and good things.

Still not sure about the doctor/medical school thing. My grades here are probably not such that I can get into medical school. It's not that I don't work, it's that it's hard and subjective and I don't really have any study skills and it's so difficult to apply myself when I don't like the subject. And I know that's my own fault and something I need to just suck it up and get over, but even so, saying is a lot easier than doing.