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< / > Up and Down, Touch the Ground August 26, 2005 *~* 5:49 p.m. I am too moody. In general, lately, three years ago, whenever. I am overwhelmed by the urge to cry right now. I think I need out of the house- I don't do well with loooong periods of unstructured time. We all knew that. I've read all I can read, both in my book and online and now I want to bake a cobbler but we don't have a baking dish and the Paradox (the Reed coffeeshop) just emailed and told me that I didn't get the job and so now I've got to find a different job, either on campus or a real one off somewhere, which is hella difficult because I don't have a car and because of our location, only the less regular bus routes unless I am willing to transfer three times over. And I'm not old enough to pour alcohol because of the Oregon super strict liquor laws. Grumble grumble. And, I'm feeling squashy and fat lately. I miss our treadmill. I also worry alot, needlessly. I've not yet developed the ability to "live in the moment" and am thus worrying about what it means to be living in this house, with Gm, with Alex, with Steve, the classes I'm taking and what I'll do with my life, my inability to manage stress, and the fact that my hair is not the perfect way I envisioned it. *rueful grin* That last one is less important. Gm just came in and offered to make me a sandwich. He's so unfailingly sweet that it's absolutely awful to be irritated at him, particularly when I know that it's unfounded. How can you be mad at a person for having a terribly immune system and thus feeling bad and napping all afternoon? He's allowed his Own Time the same way I am mine, I'm sure, it's just that it's difficult to separate that out when we're in the same house and it's a lot of trouble to go out and do something without a specific destination when you live in the middle of a dense neighborhood like we do. I'm sure there's a park nearby, I should try to find it. Good idea, dear. I'm just listless and nervous about school starting back up, I think and then the rejection email didn't help my mood much. I feel unwanted. And I keep having vivid and not good dreams. While not nightmares, they're all certainly distressed. It's just one of those days. . . I'll be better soon. Oh! A bright point. On the way to Reed this morning we passed four little girls on the street corner with a lemonade stand. So we pulled a U-turn and bought a 50 cent glass of Kool-Aid (as it turned out) to help them raise money for disposable paper cups and eventually, guitars for their rock band. They were precious. Aww, charmed! |